Code of Conduct

I’ve been writing this blog for a few years now, I fully expected no one to read it. I was just sounding off in the dark to preserve my own sanity in the face of my dysfunctional in-laws. But now there have been over 200,000 visits to the site and over 600 comments left on the posts. Inevitably this raises some issues with how certain people choose to comment.

I want to make clear that I have complete editorial control of my blog, comments included. That means I can edit, trash or block any comment or anyone who is responding in an aggressive, derogatory or offensive way to the blog posts themselves or to a comment left below the posts BEFORE it ever gets posted to the public. If I change anything I mostly (95% of the time) edit posts by inserting paragraphs or correcting the odd bit of grammar or spelling so it is easier for people to read.

As I make clear on the “About” page of this blog, this is my personal space for writing about the difficulties in my family and the thoughts and research I have done to try and understand it. You are invited to share in my thoughts as the blog is publicly readable but I am not a public service, a charity, a support group (although some of the commentors have found support amongst each other here), a psychotherapist or any other organisation or person you may expect a service from. You are not entitled to anything from me, not even a reply although I do try to respond to as many comments as possible. If you don’t like my take on this subject, move on. The internet is a big place. You will be sure to find some site somewhere more in line with your views.

If you leave comments which are aggressive, sarcastic, rude, condescending or attack the basic premise of the blog (that an NPD MIL is hard to deal with) your comment will never be posted. Examples of comment which have never seen the light of day include people trying to sell things (discrete, overnight viagra anyone?), someone who called everyone commenting on the “Infantilisation” post ungrateful children because they thought all the described behaviour was completely normal and acceptable (do not name call, do not attack the premise of the blog, move along),  someone who snidely called me a gaslighter in response to something I’d said to a frequent commentor (no name calling, aggressive, sarcastic, wasn’t talking to you anyway). You get the idea.

If you wish to leave a comment you are free to do so, you are free to…

  • share your own lived experiences
  • share your understanding or thoughts
  • offer alternative or contradictory experiences,
  • point out an error,
  • share resources or information
  • ask a question
  • broaden the topic to include your specific social group (LGBT, POC, disabled, neurodivergent etc)

you are not welcome to do any of the following…

  • attack or deny the premise of the blog (no I am not going to argue whether narcissism is real with you)
  • tell me I am doing my site wrong (MY site people, the clue is there, move along)
  • call anyone names on the site
  • use threatening language
  • use sarcasm or condescension towards people on the site
  • attack or shame people for describing their experiences and feelings (including calling them into doubt)
  • attack or shame people for the way they have responded to their experiences
  • attack or shame people for their cultural or religious beliefs or customs
  • be a bigot, sexist, racist, queerphobic, ableist arsehole (we are inclusive here, accept that)


It is hard enough for me and all the people who have commented on this site to live with the family difficulties we write about without having to deal with someone having a tantrum because they have read something they don’t agree with. MOVE THE FUCK ALONG, this is a safe space for people who are enduring the psychological stress of a family member with a major personality disorder: go get your attention, go dump your anger, go show how smart you think you are SOMEWHERE ELSE.